Adventures in LA: “Hollywood A List Event”

Although this blog is mostly about writing and reading, I’m starting a new feature here about living in Los Angeles, which I’ll update whenever something crazy happens (which means not that often, because I’m basically a hermit with a job who spends all her free time writing).

One of the interesting things about living here is how much the Hollywood culture pervades everything. You can work at the most boring job and just living here guarantees that at some point you’ll see a celebrity, or your company will work with a film studio, or one of your friend’s husband’s cousins will be in a movie. Even industries that have nothing to do with Hollywood end up having swanky parties at fancy hotels with whichever celebrities they could bribe to come, like the one my husband and I went to last night.

hollywood-sign-los-angeles-cahd6 The Hollywood sign is not very pretty up close.

We were invited to the unveiling of this new technology from a company that makes semiconductors and other really boring stuff, except they advertised it as a “Hollywood A List Event” (yes, it said that exact phrase on the invite). It was at a super posh hotel on Hollywood Blvd where rich people and wannabe actors hang out. To get to the event we had to walk through the bar (featuring people much cooler, richer, and better looking than us) and up a red velvet spiral staircase, centered around a giant shimmering chandelier.

who1789lo.86503_mdAny moment now James Bond will walk in and ask for a drink.

So we got to the event and everyone was in black (Note: if you go to a Hollywood event you better wear black, color is NOT OK except in small doses or if you’re at the Oscars, and even then…). We didn’t know anyone so naturally we hit up the bar and the food table, because hey, free booze and appetizers.

After a while they hustled us all into a room with purple lights and tv screens and chairs centered around a freaking runway, all lit up like we’ve stepped into the taping of a Project Runway knock off.

IMG_1075 Everyone wanted to pretend to be Heidi Klum after it was over.

The event started and all these people walked out on the runway to talk about how awesome the internet is, and how much better it could be if it were faster. They even got an Oscar nominated director and an actor on HBO to come out and try to legitimize the Hollywood thing they were going for. But no one said anything real, it was all just a bunch of marketing mumbo jumbo, and at the end my husband and I were left scratching our heads and wondering what exactly the product was.

Then they unveiled it, literally dropping a curtain into another room where there were a bunch of widescreen TVs and, in the center, on a podium, surrounded by security guards, was a computer router.

Yes, all this fuss over the thing you plug your computer into to get on the internet.

IMG_1076 I blurred out all the logos with my awesome MS Paint skills.

Everyone stood around and talked about how awesome this technology is going to be, and how it will change everything, blah blah blah. Lots of people started sucking up to us, probably because our name tags were one of the few that didn’t have any sort of company name on them, so people thought we were A BIG DEAL (Note: if you go to one of these events make sure your name tag is as ambiguous as possible so people will think you are way cooler than them, and they won’t want to flat out ask you who you are, because if you’re A BIG DEAL then obviously they should know).

After a while we left, because there was nothing to do except watch people in black play with wide screen TVs, which frankly we can do at home. On our way out they gave us swag bags with a bunch of nerdy computer equipment, which was pretty neat, especially for my husband who wants to dissect it all and then solder it back together like some sort of Frankenstein monster.

So that was my adventure at a computer product unveiling turned “Hollywood A List event.” Hey, even the nerds in LA want to be a part of Hollywood.